Some say that the surest way to find inner peace is to do that thing that comes most naturally to us.

For me, that is writing.

I have bobbed. I have weaved. I have danced on tip toe until my calves ache and all I want to do is fall into an exhausted heap of defeat on the floor. And I have, in fact collapsed into a puddle of my own self loathing. Many times. I have tried everything my mischievous imagination can fabricate to avoid sharing my deepest secrets. The deeper I delve into my evasive tactics, the more I can feel her chasing me.

An animal beats her wings within me. She hurls herself against the cages of my being. Her rage at being confined reverberates through me. She begs to lick her tongue through the outside air. Tasting freedom. I am powerless to resist the strength that she holds.

I am terrified to write this story, my story. It demands to be written in book format, despite my trepidation. There are many fears. Simultaneously, a feeling of rightness floods through me when I surrender to what must be done.

After years of painful rumination, I have finally come to understand that in order to write my story, I must do it anonymously. Marigold Mayfly is a pseudonym and the discovery of her has filled me with the delicious pleasure of freedom.

Keep an eye on my blog as I go through this journey. I have so much to say. I don’t know how to say it or why I can’t keep my mouth shut (sit still, shut up, smile and look pretty, nothing is wrong here after all….). Take a chance with me, venture into a world where we say “I don’t know” more than we are surefooted.

Here’s to taking a leap and flinging ourselves wide open into the unknown!